Negotiation
Working with others is an art, a fine juggling act. I think its more of an art than a science. You sort of have to 'feel your way' through it. You have to be firm but tactful. Not too easy but not too hard. Serious, but able to crack a joke now and then and smile. - Jedi Kidohdin
By: Jedi Seven & Master Sifo-Dyas
To be successful in life a Jedi must master negotiation. People use negotiation everyday with everyone around them – sometimes unknowingly. To be Jedi is to be aware of your actions and conscious of your choices, so understanding your interactions and acting rightly toward others is vital to your relationship with the Force. When negotiation breaks down conflict always ensues. Mastering negotiation tactics has the added benefit of making your path an easier one throughout your life!
Jedi missions in the movies are usually diplomatic in nature. The first lesson of the Jedi as negotiator is that of tolerance and compassion.
Compassion – The Right Frame of Mind for Negotiation
Jedi must be tolerant and respect the sanctity of all life. Compassion is the way of the Force. It is an acknowledgment that the life forms of the universe are interconnected. Jedi maintain a reverence for all life and a high regard for the entire universe and meet others with the respect and humility.
Because Jedi are allowed to know the ways of the Force they are not above their fellow beings but live a life of servitude. They acknowledge that in every discussion and from every being there are lessons to be learned. Jedi also are mindful of the decisions they make. They choose to act out of knowledge rather then blindly react from emotion.
The true meaning of compassion will only come clear to you by showing compassion in your life. Compassion has its foundations in the Force, and in your reluctance to take a life and your quest to protect it and to act justly.
We are all a part of the Force and each other this is the key to knowing compassion.
Whenever you find yourself or you find you are helping someone else involved in a conflict with another person, the last thing you want is to let your emotions carry you away. It escalates the conflict into a do-or-die battle of wills that no one wants. So take a few deep breaths, find your calm as you have found in meditation, and follow these simple steps to successful negotiation.
Step One: Listen
Listen without your tongue moving. By this you should explore the other person's viewpoint. Remember the last time you had a tense conflict with another person. You both felt equally strong emotions. Appreciate the discomfort of both parties in that conflict, each of them fighting for validity -- and the unease it made in those around them!
Lack of communication is often the largest cause for negotiations to fail. Why? Because we are all individuals, trapped within our own existences. We are all people that are insecure deep down and we often resort to blame and self-defense. You must keep in mind that everyone has difficulty handling strong feelings, yet feelings become concrete facts to the person feeling them, and if another person rejects those feelings they do damage to the person feeling them.
Dr. Tom Rusk, writer of The Power of Ethical Persuasion, says there is a Familiarity Principle: "You cannot act or be treated in ways that are different from those you are used to -- even if those ways are better -- without becoming increasingly uncomfortable." This Familiarity Principle means that if you force your opinion on the other person right away, even if you feel it is "right" and they are "wrong" that they will most likely rebel. They will likely rebel even if you are in a position of authority over them.
So LISTEN. Listen to their side of things before you go any further. Do not defend or argue while they talk. Let them talk. Then repeat back to them in your own words what think you have heard, what their position is, to show you understand. If they act like you still do not understand, wait and do not defend yourself. Listen some more and then repeat their position back to them, until both of you are certain that you understand what they are telling you.
Step Two: Speak
Ask for fairness and to speak your position on the matter. Avoid using blame and self-defense. Remember that self-defense in an argument is really self-doubt! Speak your case, but speak it as though it is YOUR truth, not THE truth. The difference could lie in your opinion. Start your sentences you have trouble on with, "I think…" or "Well the way I feel about it…" Explain your feelings on the matter. Make sure that the other party is listening, and make sure that they understand. Watch them for signs that they are paying attention, and when you are finished ask them to repeat back what you have said in their own words to show that they understand.
This could be a difficult step, more so than the last one I will admit. It accepts that the other party is just as interested in settling the argument with fairness as you are. Sometimes this is not so. Sometimes they will walk off after giving you their side of things and leave you hanging. A continued relationship could be jeopardized if this occurs. Explain to the other person that you have been fair and that you have listened and understood their case and if they would please wait and listen to you, that it is important to settle the argument.
Step Three: Make Resolution
Admit that each of you understands the other, that there is mutual listening and understanding going on. Confirm the need for a resolution and then discuss the options. After you mutually accept a resolution you can act on it. Some of the options for resolution are as follows:
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Agree to a third party coming in for neutral arbitration.
Make a compromise between alternate solutions.Take turns between alternate solutions.
Yield your position (for now) once your position is thoroughly considered.
Assert your position after thoroughly considering the other person's position.
Agree to disagree and still show respect for each other, then if you can just go separate ways on this issue and do not return to it. - As long as you talk with respect, understanding, caring, and fairness you will discover that you have amazing power to settle the worst disagreements and handle them with peaceful negotiation. Talks between different parties become as simple and as complex as a chess game and as thoroughly enjoying to finish. All Jedi could learn to pass along these traits and help others to learn better ways to settle tense conflicts before they escalate out of control.
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