Personal Conflict
by: Jedi KidohdinI'd heard it said once that when you dislike someone or have a personality conflict with a person, what you dislike about that person has nothing to do with him, but everything to do with you. In other words, what you dislike in a person is something you see in that person that you dislike in yourself.
What a concept, eh?
At the moment, I think long and hard about my relationships with fellow Jedi. Most everyone, I'd say that I like. And there are many whose mission I do not understand and have no actual way to relate to. I continue to like those persons regardless and even have a respect for. Still, there are others that will "raise my hackles" just in seeing they've posted a message somewhere! They are few and far between, but still people whom I dislike.
What you dislike in a person is something you see in that person that you dislike in yourself... As always, self-awareness is critical. Can I look at the person objectively, setting aside my emotional stance to seek and understand what specifically bothers me? Can I then look hard at myself and see where said behavior or trait is also within me? Those aren't easy things to do, and I won't kid you by suggesting that they are.
I think about this and - in one case - what it boils down to is a perception of arrogance with someone whom I dislike. I see the person as arrogant. When I then look at a message from the person, my automatic reaction is to be irritated, even before I've read what's there! And so, I look within. Where does this issue of arrogance resonate with me then?
There's a fine line between being arrogant and being self-confident; for me, that line is one that I walk with grace and confidence, though those who perceive me might find me one or the other regardless of how I believe! Perhaps my irritation stems from my concerted effort to "be" with self-confidence while I see others who seem to just run with an arrogant stance. And still, it is all a matter of perception.
This leaves me with the decision then to modify my own perceptions and my own behavior. I become arrogant by looking down upon those whom I dislike because I see them as arrogant! I walk away from a state of self-confidence and grace then. Hence, unlearning.
Being aware now, I must work toward removing this behavior and reaction from my own being as a Jedi. Certainly, the reaction will persist for a while. When it does, I will go back to my Buddhist Mindfulness Meditation - recognize the emotion, couple it with mindfulness and then let it go. With practice, it won't be a conscious decision any longer and I will have extinguished my own judgmental behavior.
Peace, Jedi Kidohdin
Mingle a little folly with your wisdom; a little nonsense now and then is pleasant. - Horace
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